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08-Jan-2020 01:49

Hailey’s relationship with her mother was often tense, but for things to go smoothly, the 32-year-old had to do a lot of pretending.

She still needed her mother, or believed she did, and so she had become a master at pretending.

A parent/child relationship like this is said to be enmeshed and results in emotional consequences for the child, even throughout adulthood.

Love avoidants may unconsciously be seeking to escape this feeling of enmeshment from romantic partners.

So when it came to romantic relationship—and Hailey had her share of romantic experiences—her biggest fear was of becoming enmeshed by someone else’s needs, of being smothered again.They may do so, for example, by creating arguments, cheating or convincing themselves the relationship just isn’t right.Seductive Withholders Just like saboteurs, seductive withholders cannot tolerate emotional intimacy for long. One minute they feel highly attracted, but the next, they are repulsed by fears of enmeshment and commitment.Are you afraid of commitment or are you often ambivalent about your choice to commit, even after you have made the promise?

If these questions sound like you, dealing with love avoidance may be an important part of your recovery work.Are you someone who feels easily overwhelmed by another person’s needs?